A novel method is proposed here to precisely model the multi-dimensional features of QCD multi-jet events in hadron collisions. The method relies on the schematization of high-$p_T$ QCD processes as $2 \to 2$ reactions made complex by sub-leading effects. The construction of libraries of hemispheres from experimental data and the definition of a suitable nearest-neighbor-based association map allow for the generation of artificial events that reproduce with surprising accuracy the kinematics of the QCD component of original data, while remaining insensitive to small signal contaminations. The method is succinctly described and its performance is tested in the case of the search for the $\rm{hh \to b \bar b b \bar b}$ process at the LHC.